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I had to re-learn a lesson a couple of weeks ago. It’s a lesson about…well, humility I guess. I don’t think of it as humility, but that’s what it was. Or perhaps lack of humility is a better way to express it.

You see, I sometimes fall into the trap of not wanting people know when I’m not doing so well. I’d be willing to bet that you’re a whole lot like that, too. We like people to think we’ve got it all together. Even when it’s obvious that things around us are falling apart, we want people to believe we’re handling it well. Perhaps it’s because we want to believe that ourselves. But the lesson I re-learned a couple of weeks ago is that the sooner you share your struggles with those who will pray for you, the sooner you’ll receive the spiritual boost you need to get back on track.

A Year Ago
In the middle of January my husband had some medical issues and they really threw me for a loop. When he had a major heart attack last February, I really handled the whole “died on the table” thing pretty well. What I mean by handling it well is that I rarely dwelt on “what might have happened,” or “what’s life going to be like in the future.” I had a confidence that God had been good to me in the past and He would continue to be good to me no matter what happened in the future. Since then, through the various ups and downs of recovery, I have maintained that confidence.

A Couple of Weeks Ago
Until a couple of weeks ago. That’s when Phil began to have some strange and serious symptoms. When he told me about them, I outwardly remained calm (because that’s what I do in a crisis). But from that moment until I came to my senses and asked for prayer, the enemy bombarded my mind with two words: widow and widowhood. I wasn’t dwelling on it – I wasn’t continually letting my mind go to “what if’s” – the words just continually popped into my head unbidden.

Phil shared his symptoms with some friends and they prayed for him and asked me how I was doing. I sugar-coated how I was doing. “OK. Not great, but I’m fine.” I was not doing fine. If I had told the friends that night about where my mind was, they would have prayed and I have every confidence the enemy would have lost the territory he was staking out. But I didn’t.

I am so thankful that we had a ladies’ meeting planned that weekend. I so didn’t want to go. I wanted to stay home alone and eat cheesecake. We were going to watch the Chondra Pierce video “Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid.” (Is God’s timing perfect, or what?) But I knew I had to go – it was a follow on to a retreat I had been a part of planning last November. I surely wasn’t going to share my struggles, though. I was going to go, watch the video, smile, prayer for anyone who needed prayer and come home. Have you ever been in that place? I’m guessing you have.

5 Days Later
After we watched the video, one of the leaders asked “have any of you struggled with fear since the retreat.” Silence. Long silence. I knew I needed to speak. So I did. And of course, the ladies were tremendously gracious. They prayed for me. A long prayer. And then one of the ladies suggested that someone agree to pray for Phil and I each day of the week for the next six weeks! As I sat there in the midst of them (not nearly as composed as I would have like to have been), I began to hear women say “I’ll take Tuesdays.” “I’ll take Fridays.” “I’ll take Wednesdays.” Until all the days of the week were taken. I was overwhelmed with gratitude. What a blessing!

It was about five days from the time Phil told me about the symptoms until I shared with the women, and that was MORE than enough time for the enemy to mess with my head. He got a bit of a foothold, planting a seed of fear that desperately wanted to take root. Even though I wasn’t dwelling on the issue, the unbidden thoughts that continually sprang up began to take their toll. Even though I would immediately (or almost immediately) arrest them and focus my thoughts elsewhere, they occurred so frequently that I was beginning to become paralyzed. (I took me more than a week to write a blog that should have been written in one sitting.) That was a week that I didn’t need to experience. If I had immediately called someone and humbled myself saying “I need prayer right now. I’ve lost my confidence that God will be good to me in the future. I’m afraid of what the future holds. Will you pray for me because I’m not very good at praying for myself right now?” – if I had done that immediately, God would have come to my rescue immediately. The enemy would have had to flee.

Some Battles Need More Warriors
Satan was overstepping his bounds and I was not able to stop him. That’s not a bad thing – it’s why God places us in families. Some battles need more warriors than others. Such battles bring the family of God closer together as we call on Him for another who needs their faith boosted.

It was foolish for me not to speak up sooner. I suffered needlessly, others missed the blessing of being a part of God’s victory and I missed the blessing of being reminded that I have friends who are quick to step in when needed. Fortunately, God provided another opportunity for me to be humble and the best part is…I haven’t thought about widowhood since that evening. (Except to write this blog, of course, and I’m GOOD – honestly, good – no enemy piercing my heart or spirit tonight.)

God is very good and God is very faithful. Blessed be the name of the Lord and blessed be His faithful prayer warriors!

Friends don’t be like me. Humble yourself and share your needs before seeds of fear, uncertainty and doubt are planted and take root.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 25th, 2010 at 5:56 am and is filed under Fear, Humility, prayer, Relationships, the church, Trusting God. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.