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I had to re-learn a lesson a couple of weeks ago. It’s a lesson about…well, humility I guess. I don’t think of it as humility, but that’s what it was. Or perhaps lack of humility is a better way to express it.

You see, I sometimes fall into the trap of not wanting people know when I’m not doing so well. I’d be willing to bet that you’re a whole lot like that, too. We like people to think we’ve got it all together. Even when it’s obvious that things around us are falling apart, we want people to believe we’re handling it well. Perhaps it’s because we want to believe that ourselves. But the lesson I re-learned a couple of weeks ago is that the sooner you share your struggles with those who will pray for you, the sooner you’ll receive the spiritual boost you need to get back on track.

A Year Ago
In the middle of January my husband had some medical issues and they really threw me for a loop. When he had a major heart attack last February, I really handled the whole “died on the table” thing pretty well. What I mean by handling it well is that I rarely dwelt on “what might have happened,” or “what’s life going to be like in the future.” I had a confidence that God had been good to me in the past and He would continue to be good to me no matter what happened in the future. Since then, through the various ups and downs of recovery, I have maintained that confidence.

A Couple of Weeks Ago
Until a couple of weeks ago. That’s when Phil began to have some strange and serious symptoms. When he told me about them, I outwardly remained calm (because that’s what I do in a crisis). But from that moment until I came to my senses and asked for prayer, the enemy bombarded my mind with two words: widow and widowhood. I wasn’t dwelling on it – I wasn’t continually letting my mind go to “what if’s” – the words just continually popped into my head unbidden.

Phil shared his symptoms with some friends and they prayed for him and asked me how I was doing. I sugar-coated how I was doing. “OK. Not great, but I’m fine.” I was not doing fine. If I had told the friends that night about where my mind was, they would have prayed and I have every confidence the enemy would have lost the territory he was staking out. But I didn’t.

I am so thankful that we had a ladies’ meeting planned that weekend. I so didn’t want to go. I wanted to stay home alone and eat cheesecake. We were going to watch the Chondra Pierce video “Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid.” (Is God’s timing perfect, or what?) But I knew I had to go – it was a follow on to a retreat I had been a part of planning last November. I surely wasn’t going to share my struggles, though. I was going to go, watch the video, smile, prayer for anyone who needed prayer and come home. Have you ever been in that place? I’m guessing you have.

5 Days Later
After we watched the video, one of the leaders asked “have any of you struggled with fear since the retreat.” Silence. Long silence. I knew I needed to speak. So I did. And of course, the ladies were tremendously gracious. They prayed for me. A long prayer. And then one of the ladies suggested that someone agree to pray for Phil and I each day of the week for the next six weeks! As I sat there in the midst of them (not nearly as composed as I would have like to have been), I began to hear women say “I’ll take Tuesdays.” “I’ll take Fridays.” “I’ll take Wednesdays.” Until all the days of the week were taken. I was overwhelmed with gratitude. What a blessing!

It was about five days from the time Phil told me about the symptoms until I shared with the women, and that was MORE than enough time for the enemy to mess with my head. He got a bit of a foothold, planting a seed of fear that desperately wanted to take root. Even though I wasn’t dwelling on the issue, the unbidden thoughts that continually sprang up began to take their toll. Even though I would immediately (or almost immediately) arrest them and focus my thoughts elsewhere, they occurred so frequently that I was beginning to become paralyzed. (I took me more than a week to write a blog that should have been written in one sitting.) That was a week that I didn’t need to experience. If I had immediately called someone and humbled myself saying “I need prayer right now. I’ve lost my confidence that God will be good to me in the future. I’m afraid of what the future holds. Will you pray for me because I’m not very good at praying for myself right now?” – if I had done that immediately, God would have come to my rescue immediately. The enemy would have had to flee.

Some Battles Need More Warriors
Satan was overstepping his bounds and I was not able to stop him. That’s not a bad thing – it’s why God places us in families. Some battles need more warriors than others. Such battles bring the family of God closer together as we call on Him for another who needs their faith boosted.

It was foolish for me not to speak up sooner. I suffered needlessly, others missed the blessing of being a part of God’s victory and I missed the blessing of being reminded that I have friends who are quick to step in when needed. Fortunately, God provided another opportunity for me to be humble and the best part is…I haven’t thought about widowhood since that evening. (Except to write this blog, of course, and I’m GOOD – honestly, good – no enemy piercing my heart or spirit tonight.)

God is very good and God is very faithful. Blessed be the name of the Lord and blessed be His faithful prayer warriors!

Friends don’t be like me. Humble yourself and share your needs before seeds of fear, uncertainty and doubt are planted and take root.

Today is my husband’s birthday. The day his mom struggled then knew the joy of having her fourth (and last) child. The day he cried his first audible (to humans) cry. More likely than not, the day I was conceived. Since I was born 9 months to the day after Phil was born, we often say that God created me especially for him as a gift to him on his true birth day.

I think it would more accurately be said (from my perspective) that the Lord who knew me even before I was conceived was working, even before I was conceived, to create the perfect husband for me.

 I wrote this tribute in 2008, but was reluctant to publish it in my blog because it seemed so self serving. This year, I am rejecting that notion for several reasons.

• Phil has been a fantastic example of a godly husband throughout our marriage. If reading this helps any man become a better husband to his wife, that is a worthwhile use of this space.
• Our culture is awash with women who do not choose to honor their husbands. If this blog encourages a single wife to honor her husband today, it is a worthwhile use of this space.
• This tribute gives a glimpse of a life lived for Christ and a marriage committed to Christ. There will always be difficult times to work through and doing so together is one of the joys of marriage.

With that being said, here is my tribute to the greatest man on earth!

Phil –

Thank you for loving me. For seeing in me more than I could ever see in myself. For showing me God’s unconditional love. It seems that no matter how much I fall short, you love me. And without heaping negativity on me in any form, you urge me to become better than I am.

Thank you for being my cheerleader, loving me the way God created me and encouraging me to  be me when others have said “no, you can’t.”

Thank you for making up for my weaknesses (like not cooking or cleaning much), covering them with your actions, demonstrating your love for me.

Thank you for putting our future ahead of our past and our present. For always knowing that God had more for us, even when I slid toward doubt.

Thank you for introducing me to God. For your tenacious faith in the midst of my anti-faith. For your patience and perseverance until the Holy Spirit to change my heart.

Thank you for pursuing God in good times and bad. For all you’ve taught me as we study together or prepare to teach others together. What a blessing to be a study partner with you! You enrich my relationship with God.

Thank you for encouraging and guiding my walk with God. For recommending books you think I should read. For asking me how my spiritual life is going. For praying for and with me.

Thank you for your tender heart and willingness to take risks. What a risk I was 32 years ago! (And maybe still am today!) Thanks for seeing the payoff, even before I did.

Thank you for being my business partner for 21 years and my life partner for 31. What a life! God has been so very good to me!

Thank you for holding me together in the hard times, for celebrating with me in the great times and for making the in-between times more fun that they ought to have been! Thank you for being the fun that balances my seriousness.

Thank you for loving me.

I love you…more than you can ever know, more than I can ever say.

Happy birthday, love.

²⁰But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, “Why did you make me like this?” ²¹Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?
          Romans 9:20-21

³For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.⁴Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function,⁵so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.⁶We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith.⁷If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach;⁸if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.
          Romans 12:3-8

Are you happy with the way God made you? Or do you long for a better singing voice, or greater organizational skills. Do you wish you had curly hair or straight hair or more hair? In my family, my siblings always thought I had all the brains and I always thought they had all the common sense. None of us were happy with the way God had created us. (Now just for the record, I didn’t get all the brains and they didn’t get all the common sense. I’ve come to understand that as an adult, but childhood images of one’s self can be hard to shed.)

God has created each of us uniquely to fulfill the destiny He has laid out for us. He has custom-made us to fill the hole in the universe that He created for us to fill. If we don’t fill it, it will just be a void – a place in time and space that is empty, waiting for the perfect fit to come and fill it.

We have such a tendency to be dissatisfied with ourselves, when what we ought to do is celebrate that we are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God for His purposes (Psalm 139:14, Genesis 1:27, Ephesians 2:10).

I cannot fulfill God’s purposes for me when I am wishing I were or trying to be someone else. That either makes it really crowded in the space that God’s created for them or makes my space seem ill-fitting. But when I celebrate and grow in the person God has made me to be, my space begins to feel just right for me. In fact, my space probably expands a bit because I fill it so well.

How insidious is this desire to be other than we are! While writing this blog I began to look up a Scripture. It was the Ephesians passage I referenced above. But I didn’t know it was in Ephesians. So I started using the search feature in my Bible software. In the meantime, I asked my husband for help. He immediately gave me the reference I was looking for. The words that came out of my mouth next are the exact opposite of what this blog is about! Aargh! I immediately said, “I wish I could do that.” Well, yes, it would be nice to have the recall of Scripture that my husband has. But God hasn’t wired me that way. I have read and studied Scripture as much as he has. I have applied myself to memorizing it as he has. But unless I continually review those memorized passages they are easily lost from the front of my mind. He, on the other hand, has probably not reviewed Ephesians 2:10 lately. He just learned it once and now he knows it. He just knows where to find whatever it is he is looking for. And the truth is I’m jealous of him because I have to research to find those passages that I already know or once knew. I need to keep a good concordance or search feature nearby. Does that make him smarter than me? No, it just means he was created differently and for different purposes. And instead of wishing I were like him, I want to pursue the place God has uniquely created me for.

There is a flip side to all of this. Just as we ought to celebrate and grow into the person God created us to be, we ought to be very careful to not try to fit anyone else into a slot that God has not created for them. Phil and I served as co-pastors for a short time. We work very well together. Where one of us is strong, the other is weak and vice versa. We submit to one another according to our areas of strengths and God’s leading. During the time that we were pastors, our supervisors tried to force each of us into roles for which we were not created – roles in each of our areas of weakness. It made for an exceedingly difficult experience for all of us. In fact, the affect it had on Phil and I was that it made us feel like failures and doubt the abilities God has given us. We were not, in fact, failures. We were just the proverbial square pegs being required to fill the round holes. Had we been given the freedom to let Phil fill the holes that he was created to fill and me fill the holes that I was created to fill, the needs of the church would have been met as God intended them to be.

When we force someone into a role that God has not designed them to fill, we not only are working against the plan of God for that person’s life, but we are assisting in making them ineffective for the Kingdom of God. As a coach, we ought to look for the best in each person, celebrate it, water it and nurture it.

So this week, my goal is to do just that – in myself and in others. Lord, let me celebrate the woman you have made me to be, trusting that you have created a perfect hole for me to fill. Let me also see others as You see them, celebrate who they are, and encourage them to grow into the person you’ve designed them to be.

I invite you to join me in celebrating God’s creation – you, me and those around us – uniquely created to fulfill God’s purposes.

Here’s an interesting blog from a friend of a friend…

BTW, You can find me on facebook as Sandra Parks Hovatter.

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