ApprehendingGrace.com

  
No one will ever know the full depth of his capacity for patience and humility as long as nothing bothers him. It is only when times are troubled and difficult that he can see how much of either is in him.
          Saint Francis of Assisi
 

 This last blog in the “Heart of a Worshipper” series (HWS) summarizes all the characteristics I’ve written about. You can find the articles about each characteristic here. Much of this series has been revolutionary to my walk with Christ. I hope it’s impacted you as well. Today’s blog hits the two things that have impacted me more than all the other things put together. Read on…

The Heart of a Worshipper

For almost three months we’ve studied the heart of a worshipper. We’ve seen a progression of the worshipper’s heart as he or she pursues God more diligently. Let’s review all 7 qualities:

• A hungry heart – one that desires to know God more intimately.
  • A pursuing heart – one that follows hard after Jesus. It is the action that results from having a hungry heart.
    •  A transparent or unveiled heart – one that allows the Light of Life (Jesus) to shine through it so that He can reveal to us what is hidden in it’s most private corners.
      • A vulnerable heart – the heart that suppresses our “fight or flight” response as we sit at Jesus’ feet and allow Him to change us. It is the logical extension of the transparent heart.
        • A willing heart – one that is predisposed to say “Yes, Lord.” It is also the obedient heart.
          • A free heart – the heart that is unencumbered by sin, condemnation and fear.
            • A secure heart – the heart that is confidently established in the knowledge of Christ’s love.

Where are you in this progression?

• Are you satisfying your hungry heart by pursuing God diligently?
• Are you remaining transparent and vulnerable before God and His people?
• Are you obedient and increasing in your victory over sin?
• Do you reject condemnation and fear?
• Has that lead you to a place of steadfastness in Christ, a place of calm and joy despite life’s circumstances?

I wish I could say that I’m always at that steadfast place, but I’m not. In this final article, I’d like to share two teachings that have helped me to become a greater worshipper of God.

Developing Childlikeness

He [Jesus] called a little child and had him stand among them. And he [Jesus] said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. ”
          Matthew 18:2-4

While reading this a dozen or so years ago, I was struck by the word “change.” That means that being childlike doesn’t come naturally, which makes a lot of sense when you think about it. From a very young age, children are trying to be older than they are. And while we try madly to reverse the process once we reach a certain age, we still don’t want to be considered childlike. Children are unsophisticated. They’re annoyingly spontaneous. They’re immature. I want to be sophisticated, in control and mature. Yet Scripture says I should change and become like a little child.

So I began to focus on children and the qualities they possess that I lack. And then I worked at changing to become more childlike. This was a step of obedience. Being willing to be childlike regardless of what others thought was a HUGE step for me. I’ve always had an overactive “what will people think” response. But I wanted to be more concerned about what God thinks, so I began to change. Here are some of the childlike behaviors that I saw and began to imitate.

Humility and trust – Verse 4 specifically says that God values humility. I see humility in children as trust without understanding. Children trust. Period. They don’t have to understand how it works or why it works, they simply trust what they’ve been told. I often require understanding before I give my trust. When I examine that attitude under a microscope, I find that at the root of it is pride. I am essentially saying, “Unless you explain it to me in such a way that I understand it and agree with it, I’m not going to trust you.” Or maybe I’m saying, “I don’t trust you to do what’s best for me. I only trust myself. Therefore, I must understand before I extend my trust to you.” Either way, there’s too much pride in the attitude. Scripture teaches by word and example that God is more loving than I can ever imagine, that He loves me more than I can imagine, and that He desires good things for me. I believe that. (Lord, help my unbelief!) The action that’s required on my part is that I place my trust in Him. Lack of trust shows up in adults in many ways: The need to control situations, the unwillingness to fully submit to God’s will in one or many areas, and the attitude of rebellion are just a few.

Spontaneity and joy – The two seem to go together in children. Children are discovering God’s world for the first time and they find great delight in it. (I’ve seen more spiders than I care to see, so I no longer take much delight in them.) By nature, I’m serious and reserved. When I look at my personal history, though, I can see that part of that nature developed as a defense against being hurt or judged negatively. So I’ve made a decision. I’ve decided that God wants me to take delight in His creation. I need to see it through the eyes of a child and be willing to respond to it like a child. That means being willing to be thought a fool for laughing aloud or skipping in the rain or showing awe when it’s appropriate. My adult response is to suppress the laughter, carry an umbrella, and act nonchalant toward new things. God wants me to be childlike. And I’ve found that life is more enjoyable this way. It continues to be a struggle for me, something I must repeatedly remind myself about, but when I’m successful at it I enjoy life more, and I’m confident that it pleases God.

I am the Bride of Christ
In addition to beginning to understand what it means to be childlike, I’ve begun to have a greater understanding of my position in Christ and before God: Scriptures teaches that I am the Bride of Christ. Not only does God love me, but Jesus is “in love” with me. The Bible says He “delights” in me. When I began to understand how totally, unconditionally and passionately Jesus is in love with me it changed my heart and increased my passion for Him. It also gave me the confidence to be transparent with Him and the courage to be childlike in His presence. It revolutionized my worship of Him and my desire to draw near to Him.

The Transformed Heart
While I have loved the Lord for thirty years, I have only been “in love” with Him for about fifteen. It was about fifteen years ago when I began to study childlikeness and Bride of Christ teachings. That led to studying the topic of worship and pursuing God through worship. The result is that my life has been transformed from the inside out.

In the first article of this series I included a definition of worship by William Temple, the archbishop of Canterbury from 1942 to 1944. It’s somewhat long but it explains how worship transforms the worshipper. I’d like to close the series with the same quote. If you find yourself fitting the description Temple gives in the first sentence, please ask God to help you make worship a priority. It will undoubtedly change your life.

“Both for perplexity and for dulled conscience the remedy is the same; sincere and spiritual worship. For worship is the submission of all our nature to God. It is:
     the quickening of our conscience ………………………. by His holiness;
     the nourishment of mind ………………………………….. with His truth;
     the purifying of imagination ……………………………… by His beauty;
     the opening of the heart …………………………………… to His love;
     the surrender of will ………………………………………… to His purpose
– and all of this gathered up in adoration, the most selfless emotion of which our nature is capable and therefore the chief remedy for that self-centeredness which is our original sin and the source of all actual sin.

Yes – worship in spirit and truth is the way to the solution of perplexity and to the liberation from sin.”

Lord, help me to be one who worships you in spirit and truth.

I recently watched one of the videos from Beth Moore’s series on Esther. I was arrested by this quote:

“If you’re called upon to die in such a way that requires great courage, that is part of your destiny.”

In my notes I added a similar quote:

“If you’re called upon to live in such a way that requires great courage, that is part of your destiny.”

I immediately thought about my mom who has been called upon to live with great courage in the face of significant paralysis for more than a decade. What an honor she has to live out her destiny and how well she does it!

If I have to make a choice, I want to live God’s destiny for me, not my dreams for me. Yes, they are often one and the same, but they are not always the same. It was never mom’s dream to live a life dependent on others. And yet, what a blessing she has been to so many staff and residents of the nursing homes she’s lived in, not to mention doctors and nurses and EMT staff who have assisted her. I don’t think mom sees herself as living out her destiny, but that is what she is doing. Again I say: What an honor she has to live out her destiny!

Lord, may I follow in my mother’s footsteps, to live out the destiny you have for me with humility and grace.

In the first four blogs of this series called “The Heart of a Worshipper” series, or HWS, we’ve looked at various definitions of worship. A predominate theme in each article is that worship transforms us – as we look into the face of an almighty God, we are changed. Yet there are attitudes of the heart that put us in the place of searching and submission that make us ready to see God and be transformed by Him. In the next several blogs of this series, we’re going to look at the qualities of the worshipping heart. May you be blessed and transformed as you grow in your own worship of the King of Kings.

A Hungry Heart – My Soul Yearns for You 

Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts. My soul yearns for you in the night; in the morning my spirit longs for you.
          Isaiah 26:8-9

A worshipping heart is a heart that hungers and thirsts for God. It yearns for God. Regardless of how well we know God, the hungry heart longs to know Him more. You will find this attitude throughout Scripture.

Many of the hymns and worship songs we sing are based on the Psalms, and the Psalmists understood yearning for God. Come on, sing along with me…

“As the dear panteth for the water, so my soul longeth after You.”

That’s Psalm 42 written by the Sons of Korah. The Book of Psalms was essentially a hymnal, and the Sons of Korah were Levites who were temple singers. Let’s look at the passage:

¹ As the deer pants for streams of water,
  so my soul pants for you, O God.
² My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
  When can I go and meet with God?
          Psalm 42:1-2

I love the end of verse 2: “When can I go and meet with God?” That’s the cry of the hungry heart. I’m reminded of the child who has been told that he’s going to a party on Saturday. Each day, he will ask his mother “Is it today, Mom? Can we go today? When can we go to the party?”

In the bustle of life, it’s easy for things to crowd God out. Pray that God would give you such a desire for Him that you cry out “When can I go and meet with God?”

Psalm 84 contains part of another song some of you may know:

My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.
          Psalm 84:2

Then there’s Psalm 73. Your Bible probably describes it as “A Psalm of Asaph.” Asaph was another prominent group of temple singers. My Bible has been slightly altered to read “A Psalm of Sandy,” not because I wrote the Psalm, but because I adopted it as “my psalm.” The first time I read this psalm, many years ago, I jumped up and said “That’s me, that’s me.” It begins “Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart. But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold. For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.” (v. 1-3) That describes my life before coming to Christ. But the psalm goes on and in verses 25 and 26 it describes how my desires have changed.

Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
          Psalm 73:25-26

Verse 25 describes someone with a hungry heart, a heart longing for the Lord. The exciting thing is that when Psalm 73 became “Sandy’s Psalm” about thirty years ago only the first verses were true. It wasn’t until I went back and read it many years later that I realized that the entire psalm had become true in my life. God, in His goodness, has turned me into a worshipper of the Almighty.

God Makes us Hungry for Him
God works in us to transform our thought patterns and desires. Deuteronomy teaches us that God has wanted His people to hunger for Him since the very beginning. Moses is talking to the Israelites in this passage and says:

He [God] humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD.
          Deuteronomy 8:3

God desires that we be hungry for Him. This passage tells that God purposefully made the people of Israel physically hungry so that they would be reminded of their dependence on Him. God is using the physical condition of man to point to the spiritual condition. He longs for us to long for Him.

You might be reading this and thinking “That sounds great, but I’m just not there. The truth is that I don’t hunger for God. I go through my devotions from a sense of duty and sometimes I don’t even do that. I want to want more of God, but the truth is that I’m tired and my spiritual life is stale.”

Been there, done that! You are not alone. There can be many reasons for spiritual staleness, but let me encourage you in two things:

1. Ask God to make you hungry for Him. Pray “Lord, make me hungry for You, today. Father, I give you permission to do whatever it takes to make me desire a closer relationship with You.” There can be no question that this prayer is in God’s will. He will answer it.
2. Pursue God. Keep doing the things you should be doing. Make your devotions a priority. Don’t forget to pray. Trust God to restore you to your first love.

Next week we’ll look more at the concept of pursuing God. It’s the natural response of a hungry heart. In the meantime, ask God to increase your hunger for Him. You won’t be sorry you did!

¹⁸Make sure there is no man or woman, clan or tribe among you today whose heart turns away from the LORD our God to go and worship the gods of those nations; make sure there is no root among you that produces such bitter poison.¹⁹When such a person hears the words of this oath, he invokes a blessing on himself and therefore thinks, “I will be safe, even though I persist in going my own way.” This will bring disaster on the watered land as well as the dry. ²⁰The LORD will never be willing to forgive him; his wrath and zeal will burn against that man. All the curses written in this book will fall upon him, and the LORD will blot out his name from under heaven. ²¹The LORD will single him out from all the tribes of Israel for disaster, according to all the curses of the covenant written in this Book of the Law.
          Deuteronomy 29:18-21

Whew! I read this passage and my first thought was “I need to write a blog about this.” My second thought was…”what in the world would I say?”

You see my first thought came from a place of understanding that many slide backwards in their faith from time to time and the condemnation they feel as they try to come back to the Lord can be great. Let me say here as at the begining, as strongly as I can: If you are on your way back to the Lord, any condemnation you feel is not from the Lord and is totally inappropriate. The Lord is not the author of condemnation, Satan is. The Lord is the author of conviction – that is, bringing about a heartfelt sorrow for our sins that is accompanied by a desire to turn away from those sins and by taking steps to do so. That’s from the Lord. Condemnation, on the other hand, tends to immobilize us in guilt and keep us from taking steps toward reconciliation with God and others. Conviction motivates us to change. Condemnation immobilizes us, keeping us from change.

Yet we read here in Deuteronomy 29 that God will bring disaster on those who have turned away from Him and go their own way to the extent that “the Lord will blot out his name from under heaven.” Where is there room for repentence and reconciliation with God? Where is there room for a renewal in our relationship with God if we have fallen away?

That was my dilemma as I considered blogging about this passage. My goal for ApprehendingGrace.com is to help each of us apprehend – grab hold of – what God has done for us and what He wants to do in us and for us. Where is that message in this chapter? To use King Solomon’s phrase from Ecclesiastes, is my whole purpose just “a chasing after the wind?”

It can’t be. I know that God accepts the prodigal. I know that He watches for the prodigal’s return. Yet somehow it’s not satisfying enough for me to simply explain away this Deuteronomy 29 passage with the often used phrase of “we’re under the New Covenant, the covenant of grace.” Yes, we are under the New Covenant, in which God promises salvation to all who would come to Him in humility and sincerity and ask for His forgiveness of their sins and Lordship in their lives. Still, God’s Word remains true and this passage sure doesn’t seem to provide much wiggle room for anyone who has backslidden.

So you understand my conundrum. My approach was to set all that aside and keep reading. (When in doubt, keep reading. Pause to pray, but keep reading.) Am I glad I did! You see, Deuteronomy 30 is a continuation of Deuteronomy 29. Our chapter divisions weren’t in the original writing and they don’t always seem to make sense. They make it possible to refer to specific portions of Scripture, but we shouldn’t allow verse or chapter divisions interrupt the train of thought of the original writers. Read with me portions of Deuteronomy 30:

¹When all these blessings and curses I have set before you come upon you and you take them to heart wherever the LORD your God disperses you among the nations, ²and when you and your children return to the LORD your God and obey him with all your heart and with all your soul according to everything I command you today, ³then the LORD your God will restore your fortunes and have compassion on you and gather you again from all the nations where he scattered you. ⁴Even if you have been banished to the most distant land under the heavens, from there the LORD your God will gather you and bring you back… ⁶The LORD your God will circumcise your hearts and the hearts of your descendants, so that you may love him with all your heart and with all your soul, and live….⁹…The LORD will again delight in you and make you prosperous, just as he delighted in your fathers, ¹⁰if you obey the LORD your God and keep his commands and decrees that are written in this Book of the Law and turn to the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul.
          Deuteronomy 30:1-10

If we turn from God, as described in Deuteronomy 29, God will surely bring those disasters upon us. But when we return to the Lord, He will restore us. It really is as simple as that…and yet it’s not just that simple. It’s really much better than that!

I love so many verses in this passage: “Even if you have been banished to the most distant land under the heavens, from there the Lord your God will gather you and bring you back.” No matter how far we have strayed from God, now matter how badly we have been conquered by our enemies, God will meet us in that place and will gather us in His arms and bring us back. Wow! He will bring us back. I play a role, of course – I have to determine in my heart to love God and obey Him. But having done that, He will bring me back. He will do the heavy lifting. He will conquer the foes who have conquered me during my time of disobedience. Hallelujah! What a gracious God we serve.

Not only will He bring me back, He will circumcise my heart so that I am able to love Him all the more. Further, He will take delight in me. The word translated “take delight” is literally “rejoice over” or “take great joy because of.” It totally blows me away that the Creator of all things we see (and don’t see) around us and of every distant galaxy and star, the King above all kings, the One who holds the universe together, will be delighted in me. He will take great joy because of my love for Him. If we could truly grab hold of just this last point, our lives would be revolutionized. Why should I care what opinions others hold of me? Why should I become discouraged because I can’t do all that I’d like to do? Why should I…? I shouldn’t. The King of Glory delights in me simply because I love Him.

Oh, Lord, may all who read this know that they know that they know how much you love them. And may You circumcise our hearts that we may love You more.

If you’re reading through the Bible with us, you might find the following blogs by a friend who is also blogging as he reads. You’ll find that he’s much better at writing short blogs than I am.

 Click to read his blog on…

The Tower of Babel (Genesis 10)

The Beautitudes (Matthew 5) 

If you’d like to share your thoughts on a passage, e-mail me at sandy@ApprehendingGrace.com. Who knows, there might be a spot for you here.

When King Hezekiah heard their report, he tore his clothes and put on sackcloth and went into the Temple of the LORD to pray.
2 Kings 17:1 (NLT)

I love this verse. It is a constant reminder that when things fall apart, the best thing for me to do is humble myself and pray. King Hezekiah had received a report that he was about to be attacked by the Assyrian army – an army that was kicking butt across the region. Israel was next on the list. How could the small nation stand against such an army?

The king of Assyria tried to weakened the Israelites before actually engaging them in battle. He sent messengers before him who:

• Taunted King Hezekiah and the Israelites. He basically said “If you can find 2,000 horsemen in your army, I’ll give you 2,000 Egyptian horses for them to ride and then I’ll still beat you!”
• Challenged their faith by saying “Do you think we’ve invaded your land without the Lord’s direction? The Lord Himself told us ‘Go and destroy it!’”
• Destroyed their confidence in their king and God saying directly to the people “Don’t let the king fool you. He’ll never be able to save you from my power. None of the other countries were able to stand against me.”

King Hezekiah heard all this and went into the temple of the Lord to pray.

Lord, make me more like Hezekiah – I want to act with a calm faith in the face of what looks like sure disaster.

In our economy today, many people are listening to the kings of Assyria in their lives. They are hearing and believing that they will come to ruin unless they surrender now. The enemy is whispering in their ears “Who do you think you are that God would deliver you? Don’t you know that I’ve been sent by God to humble you – to punish you or to teach you a lesson? I could give you free housing/car/health insurance (choose your most pressing financial issue) and I’d still drown you in debt before the end of the year. Why will your God deliver you?”

The answer is He will deliver us because He is our deliverer. He will deliver us because we belong to Him. Husbands don’t let their wives be taken captive. Jesus Christ is the bridegroom of the Church – He is our husband.

But let’s respond correctly. Let’s choose to believe our God instead of foreign kings and let’s humble ourselves and pray.

I’m not making economic predictions. I have no idea if the economy will turn around in January or March or March of 2020. But I know that my deliverance comes from the Lord and is not dependent on the economy. My deliverance is not dependent on my own ability to work hard or to make money, it’s not dependent on being at the right place at the right time, and it’s not dependent on the amount of faith I have. It is dependent on God’s mercy and grace and His mighty power.

Where do you choose to place your trust – in the economy or in God’s mercy and power? Who do you choose to believe – enemy kings or the King of Kings?

How you approach 2009 depends on where your trust lies. If your trust is in God’s mercy and power, you can face the new year with confidence, not despair.  Place your trust in the King of Kings. He is the faithful provider, not dependent upon the whims of the economy. Strengthen that trust by visiting with Him regularly in prayer and by reading in the Bible about His nature and His history of faithfulness.

As an aside, let me give you something to think about. I’m going to be providing a plan for read through the Bible in 2009 along with weekly encouragements and blogs that correspond to the readings. Don’t be intimidated by it! You can read throught the Bible by reading about 3.2 chapters each day. For now, just be open to the idea. You’ll learn more about the plan in a day or two.

As I was writing this blog, a favorite verse came to mind:

Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.

I wasn’t sure of the wording or the reference, so I looked it up. I found it in the middle of this wonderful prayer that seems a perfect ending to this blog. It is my prayer for you as we look toward 2009.

¹ May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
² May he send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.
³ May he remember all your sacrifices
and accept your burnt offerings.
Selah

⁴ May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.
⁵ We will shout for joy when you are victorious
and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the LORD grant all your requests.
⁶ Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed;
he answers him from his holy heaven
with the saving power of his right hand.
⁷ Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
⁸ They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm.
⁹ O LORD, save the king!
Answer us when we call!
Psalm 20 (NIV)

How very hard it can be to trust the Lord when we are in pain! It doesn’t matter whether the pain is physical, emotional or spiritual, it can be difficult to rest in God’s peace when the questions of “why?” and “when?” and “will He?” jab at our souls at every turn.

There was a time when I unequivocally said that I had the gift of faith. My ability to trust God went beyond myself — I just knew He was trustworthy and I could count on Him. That deep-down-in-your-spirit kind of knowing that you can’t really explain. That peace that surpasses all understanding.

Then life happened. Significant life. Significantly bad life. Don’t get me wrong. I am blessed. But in the midst of that blessed life, I experienced life circumstances that challenged the farthest reaches of my gift of faith.

I am on the recovery path from those circumstances. My path hasn’t been a straight one, by any means — I didn’t always do the right things — but I have learned some things along the way that might be helpful to others who are in the midst of “life.” In the following discussion, I continually use the word “healing.” Please realize that I am not necessarily talking about physical healing. If you have suffered a significant emotional blow, I mean emotional healing.

• There probably is no straight path to healing. Expect that you’ll take two steps forward and then fall back a step. Over time, the number of steps you move forward will begin to outweigh your backwards steps at a much greater ratio.That might mean measuring your progress in terms of months at first instead of weeks or days. Physical issues demonstrate this well — for the common cold, people expect to feel a little better each day, but recovery from abdominal surgery might take six weeks, and recovery from a stroke might take six months. When recovering from the surgery or stroke, you won’t sense that any healing has taken place on a daily basis. For those more significant setbacks in life, don’t even try to measure your progress toward healing on a daily basis — measure your progress in weeks or months.So don’t think of your goal as being past your current circumstances. Make your goal to move closer toward healing each week. Your ultimate goal is to be healed, but work toward the smaller goals and celebrate those incremental victories. There was a time when I said to my husband “I haven’t been angry for a week.” That was a step in my healing that took several months to achieve. It was worth celebrating.
• Don’t let setbacks discourage you. Don’t live in them. Don’t overly coddle yourself. Accept them as reality, set aside the disappointment, and continue moving forward. There is so much to be learned from the physical realm here: I am always shocked by the fourth day of a cold. Colds typically run something like this for me:     Day 1 — feel yucky
       Day 2 — feel like I’m going to die, or wish I would
       Day 3 — I’m amazed at how good I feel, Praise God that this cold was so short-lived
       Day 4 — feel only slightly better than I did on day 2 – what happened to yesterday?
       Day 5 — almost better
       Day 6 — back to normalThat’s the cycle that colds have run for me for the past 30 years. Yet each time I get a cold, I’m shocked at day 4. “How can I feel so bad when I was doing so well yesterday? I must be really sick!” Don’t be like me. Don’t be shocked by day 4. Don’t look forward to it, but don’t be shocked when you get hit by it and don’t be derailed by it. Set your discouragement aside and look toward tomorrow.
• Have someone that you can confide in who will reassure you of God’s goodness and of His continued love for you. I needed this more than I could have imagined. I needed someone to say, “Sandy, this is an aberration in your life. God is still being faithful to you. He still loves you. He will still use you in His kingdom.” It greatly embarrasses me to admit that my faith wavered so much. Like I said, I was a woman of faith. I had the gift of faith. I had always been able to believe God for things that others couldn’t see. In the midst of my pain, though, I couldn’t even see the things He was doing right in front of my eyes. I needed regular encouragement. And throughout the long process, I was continually reminded that my strengths were not my strengths after all. Qualities that I considered to be my strengths were fractured and broken, teaching me that I didn’t “own” my strengths — that I couldn’t sustain them, but that they were loaned to me by God and were sustained by Him alone.Notice that I wrote “have someone.” It is not healthy to go over your story again and again, even though that may be what you want to do. Have one person that you trust to whom you can pour out your heart and reveal your fears, and with whom you can celebrate your successes.
• The body requires rest to heal itself, whether from physical or emotional issues. Sleep often and don’t beat yourself up about it. Quit being superwoman or superman for awhile — drop some of your activities so that you have plenty of time to rest.
• Consider the importance of play! Be sure your schedule includes some things that bring you joy. Whether dancing or drawing, watching a movie or playing with the dog, be sure you take time for these things. You need the positive endorphins that your body releases when you are enjoying yourself. Make time for it.
• Be proactive about spending time with friends — probably in short duration at first, but be careful not to shut yourself off completely. The tendency when we feel pain is to draw back. If the pain is emotional, that means withdrawing from those who love us. Work hard not to do this.
• Don’t rely on your emotions. Your friends are still your friends, God still hears you and He still loves you, those closest to you still love you. Your world is not closing in on you. It may feel like it, but your emotions are not reality.
• Practice kindness and forgiveness in situations where kindness and forgiveness are easy. No matter what healing you need, forgiveness will play a part. You may need to forgive someone who hurt you, you may need to forgive yourself for past decisions or actions, and you may even need to forgive God. That doesn’t mean that God sinned against you. He didn’t. However, you may be laying things at His feet that cause you to be angry with Him. The process of releasing that anger is for you to forgive God for allowing you to go through the circumstances you’re in.
• In your heart, you will need to recognize that God’s ways are above your ways and that He is accomplishing His purposes through whatever has happened to you. But during that process, you may need to say, “Lord, forgive me.” ….. Grow your forgiveness muscle by forgiving all the little things that need to be forgiven. Some day you’ll be able to forgive the big things, too.I’ve learned that wounded people bruise easily. I caught myself becoming quite angry frequently during the process of healing. My latent anger turned into impatience at those around me. I needed to practice regular forgiveness for little things during that time. For example, a person who said something unkind offended me when in my “normal life” it wouldn’t have even registered. I needed to forgive her. The people around me in the grocery store all seemed more incompetent than they used to be. No, I was just less patient. I needed to confess that sin to God and extend kindness to every one of them.
• Don’t forsake God. Stay in church. Find a new church if you need to. Continue to read Scripture regularly, even if it’s just a few verses at a time. Continue to pray, even if you feel like your prayers are just bouncing off the ceiling. Do those activities that make you feel closest to God. For me that’s worship; for some, it’s study, and for others it’s service. Feed your soul. Your pain will rob it of it’s stored energy, so feed it often.

This blog has been a long time in coming. This morning during my devotions I read a verse that finally prompted me to write it:

⁸“My thoughts are completely different from yours,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. ⁹For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.
            Isaiah 55:8-10, NLT

God is bigger than my pain. He always has been and always will be. His ways take my pain and turn it into a golden treasure. I am not yet at the point of seeing that treasure, but if there’s a progression from pain to treasure of clay, to treasure of silver, to treasure of gold, I would guess that I am somewhere between clay and silver. For that I am very thankful.

God may choose to heal you instantly. Rejoice! Praise Him! I know He can and often does heal instantly. He also allows us to journey through the healing process so that we learn to trust Him more and are able to help others through their healing process. I learned much about myself and God during my healing process. Some of the things I learned were things I didn’t want to know — how very weak and fragile I really am. But then God’s probably been trying to teach me that for years!

Over the past ten years I’ve learned more from my Mom than over the previous two decades! Who’da thunk it? You see, Mom had a stroke in May 1998. She has been severely handicapped since then. Yet she continues to enjoy life and be a blessing to those around her. (Read Saturday’s blog, “The ‘Good Humor’ Lady.”)

Admittedly, there have been times over the past decade when darkness has overwhelmed her and she’s asked me why God allowed this to happen and why God doesn’t just let her die. At first I had only vague, theoretical answers. Now I can point to real, verifiable answers.

The theoretical is not to be scoffed at. Good doctrine is important and should provide the brick and mortar structure that experience decorates. But like the saying goes, a person with a theoretical argument (even a good “theological” one) doesn’t stand a chance against a person with a real personal experience.

My doctrine teaches me that until God takes us home, He has a purpose for our lives. We haven’t accomplished all the good things He has prepared in advance for us to do (Ephesians 2:10). Some might look at my Mom – unable to get herself out of bed, requiring total care, even unable to feed herself- and wonder what purpose can God possibly have for her now? What can she possible accomplish? What value can she have in our world today? My doctrine also teaches me that God promises to use all things for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28), and that He chooses (yes, consciously, intentionally chooses!) the weak things to confound the strong (1 Corinthians 1:27-31).

My experience validates that God has used and is using Mom’s horrible situation to touch many around her and to teach me much about life. As a tribute to both my God and my Mom, let me share with you some of what I’m learning.

I’m learning to bless (and honor) my mom. Mom calls me on the phone, sometimes several times a day, usually with nothing but “foolishness” to talk about. She’ll often share the “joke of the day” with me – but she almost always messes up the punchline. I usually don’t even get the joke (or see any humor in it if I do get it), but she laughs and laughs because she knows the joke and probably doesn’t realize that she left a few words out of the punchline. So I bless her by laughing with her, because to explain a joke is to lose its effectiveness but to laugh together is a good thing. That I don’t understand her sense of humor is pretty irrelevant. We’re having fun together – she by laughing at the joke, me by enjoying my mom’s craziness. Sometimes my husband Phil will tell her he doesn’t get the joke. She’ll pause for a second and then say she doesn’t get it either and they both laugh! (I feel compelled to point out here that Mom’s stroke did not affect her mental capacities. She’s just having fun with life, whether she gets the joke or not.)

I’m learning patience. When she calls me on the phone for the nth-time-today to talk about nothing but “foolishness,” I’ve learned to turn away from my work, shout into the phone so she can hear me and relax while she tells me of her latest activity at the nursing home. Sometimes I feel myself get anxious because it’s the middle of the workday and I have deadlines to meet. Yet I am learning to turn away from that anxiety and toward someone I love to hear about things that matter to her.

I’m learning compassion. It’s either that or turn my heart off as I visit the nursing home each week. Visiting the nursing home costs me much emotionally, but at every visit I am impressed by the significant need for the simple gift of holding a hand, praying with someone or just sitting and talking for five minutes. It’s what I call “cup of water” obedience. I don’t have to do BIG things for God (like be a missionary to Zimbabwe – I call that “King Kong” obedience). I only have to give a cold cup of water to someone who is thirsty.

I’m learning sacrifice. I’m doing things with and for Mom that I would never have imagined. Mom always loved crafts. I don’t. But in order to share things with her when the possibilities in her world are so limited, I purchase crafts and we work on them together. I’m doing all the work, of course, but Mom sits next to me and knows instinctively how to do them and instructs me accordingly. I’d much prefer to read and follow the directions. But I humble myself and “OK, Mom, what should I do next?” (I’ve drawn a line at using a glue gun.)

I’m learning that sacrifice is the currency of heaven and the language of love…but I digress…that’s another blog-to-come.

I’m learning the importance of enjoying life…even when it’s not very enjoyable. I’m not very good at that. Mom is very good at that. She turns every event into a party. I used to think this was part of Mom’s “foolishness.” I’ve learned that it is part of her strength.

I’m learning to be friendlier than I really am and nicer to others than I really am. Everyone matters to Mom. In many ways she reflects the love of Christ much better than I do. She is a person who truly sees the best in everyone and treats them accordingly.

I’m learning that having a deep trust in God doesn’t always look the way I expect it to look. Mom has a simple, usually unspoken, unpretentious faith. When she arrives in heaven, I imagine Jesus planning a clown parade in her honor and everyone will be wearing funny hats and will have their own noise-maker. This would not be heaven to me, but it surely will be for Mom.

I’m learning to honor people for serving in professions that I cannot fathom serving in.

I’m learning to love better.

All this from a teacher who can no longer feed or dress herself. Wow! I love you, Mom!

I’ve been avoiding my blog! I’m in the process of transferring from one blog service (Yahoo) to another (we’ll see which one wins out!). Hence, whatever I write here must be transferred there, wherever there is. I know others who have decided to write a blog and have it up and running in what seems to me to be minutes. And of course, all the blog services make that promise. But what is minutes to others has been months for me. Aargh!

So lately I’ve been reminding myself a lot that God has uniquely gifted each of us and no, I’m not particularly lacking in intelligence just because I can’t get my new blog to work! And even if I were inordinately lacking in intelligence God would still be over-the-top wild about me! And in order to avoid reminding myself of these things over and over again I’ve been avoiding blogging.

I’ve been avoiding blogging so that my self image doesn’t take a hit each time I try and fail at making the conversion. I’m not proud of this. I’m not proud that not being able to accomplish this technical task makes me feel stupid (there, I said the word instead of couching it kindly as “lacking in intelligence”). I’m not proud that my approach has been to avoid the issue altogether.

One maxim I’ve learned is that when things seem to be happening in an unusual way, look for what’s behind it. Is God at work? (Well, the answer to that one is always “yes” because God is always at work in our lives.) Perhaps better stated, the question should be “What is God trying to teach me by getting my attention with these unusual circumstances?”

It doesn’t make sense to me that transferring blog services should be so difficult for me, so this morning I am asking “what might God be trying to teach me?” I can come up with several thoughts on my own, but the answer requires listening for His voice and to His Spirit. Here are my potential thoughts…

• God is giving me opportunities to practice not becoming frustrated when things don’t move as quickly as I’d like or when I’m not able to accomplish what I think I should be able to accomplish — and by giving me opportunities to practice this, He is teaching me patience
• God is reminding me that I’m not as smart as I would like to think I am (a little dose of humility is always good for us)
• God is teaching me about my need to rely on others (after all, we are a Body that is to work together, not just individual parts that work on their own)
• God is demonstrating how little it takes for me to be unfaithful to a task He has called me (revealing that I lack perseverence and that my heart condition is not as undivided as He would like it to be)
• God is teaching me about His faithfulness by demonstrating to me my own lack of faithfulness (His faithfulness so far surpasses my own — and this lesson translates to every other area — His mercy so far surpasses my own, His goodness so far surpasses my own, His love so far surpasses my own, His justice so far surpasses my own, etc.)

Wow! Since all of those possibilities occurred to me in the short span of five minutes or so, I’m guessing that He’s doing all of those things. The one that shouts at me the loudest, however, is the last one. I am thankful that the God I serve is so infinitely more faithful than I am. Praise His precious Name. And if a little technological frustration is what it takes to remind me of that, I’ll take it. Lord, You are so infinitely good to me! Thank You!

(And to my readers…I apologize for “being gone” for the past 6 weeks and I’m working on being faithful to you! Be blessed!)