This week, Phil and I have visited with friends from the first church I attended as a believer, the first small group I was a part of, the first friends I had after becoming a Christian. We’ve also visited with Phil’s aunt and uncle who “parented” us when we were 2400 miles from anything and anyone familiar. We’ve eaten at restaurants we ate at thirty years ago. On Sunday we’re visiting the church in which I was baptized. Well, it’s not quite the same church, but it has some of the same people in it and it meets in the same building. We’ve marveled at how different the world is now than it was thirty years ago. (When we left CA, no one had a PC or a VCR or a cell phone. WalMart and Starbucks didn’t exist. We drank Tab instead of Diet Coke.)

As Phil and I sat at dinner last night – El Torito’s on Redondo Beach Pier – I was overcome with emotions. Phil saw me struggling to hold back the tears and asked what I was thinking. When I told him it was hard to put into words, his response was “You’re a professional writer. Give it a try.” So this is me trying.

• God is so very good and I have been so very blessed. He has been so faithful during the past thirty years.
• As we live our lives, every difficult situation or challenge seems so urgent, so immediate, and so serious. And, of course, they are. Yet in hindsight, they really aren’t. As I looked back on all the situations that caused me grief over the years, I can’t help but see the hand of God in so many of them and the perfect timing of God resolving them. So today I hear God whispering in my ear, “Trust Me. You could have trusted Me at the very beginning of each situation and missed so much of the stress and heartache you experienced. So trust Me now.”
• I was so young thirty years ago! Yet I’m sure I didn’t think I was. What 23-year-old doesn’t think they know everything?
• Being a part of a local church is so very important. It grounds us. It provides a community of many generations that gives perspective and wisdom, if we’re willing to listen. I remember one example of this quite clearly. My husband’s vacation had been canceled unexpectedly, squelching the plans we had made to go to San Francisco for a couple of days. I was depressed. (Yes, it was one of those little challenges that grew out of proportion.) I remember an elderly member of the congregation listening to my tale of woe and saying simply, “You’re young. You’ll have many more opportunities to go to San Francisco.” My perspective was immediately changed. And I eventually made it to San Francisco.
• The only thing that lasts is the impact we’ve made in people’s lives. As introverts, Phil and I have to force ourselves to be social. We’re happy living our lives alone with one another. It’s not God’s best for us, though. God’s best is interacting with His children and those who are not yet His children, allowing them to help us become more like Christ and allowing God to use us to help them become more like Christ.
• God has changed me a lot in the past thirty years. I bet you’re like me: Sometimes it feels like we haven’t changed much and we carry around the same old problems and issues and insecurities and doubts. It seems that way because we’re always with ourselves – but when we have the opportunity to take the long view, we can see more clearly that God is, in fact, shaping and transforming us into the man or woman He wants us to be.
• If God can do this much in the first thirty years I’ve known Him, how much more can he do with the next thirty?

I’m a blessed woman.

But all of these things, with just a few of the details changed (all right, maybe lots of the details, but none of the principles) are true of you, too. God is so very good and you are so very blessed. I don’t know your current life situation, but I know that you are blessed by God. I know that Christ died for you and that God wants to bless you with eternal life and an intimate relationship with Him. Beyond that, He wants to walk beside you, helping you make right decisions, helping you get through wrong decisions, and helping you become the man or woman He created you to be. That’s the kind of God He is. And He is unchanging – that means He doesn’t change over time and He doesn’t change how He responds to different people. What He’s done for me, He will do for you.

The following verse: “This is what you are to do to consecrate them, so they may serve me as priests:” (Exodus 29:1a) is followed by 42 additional verses that explain how priests are to be consecrated. God then makes this interesting statement:

⁴⁴“So I will consecrate the Tent of Meeting and the altar and will consecrate Aaron and his sons to serve me as priests. ⁴⁵Then I will dwell among the Israelites and be their God. ⁴⁶They will know that I am the LORD their God, who brought them out of Egypt so that I might dwell among them. I am the LORD their God.
Exodus 29:44-46

Did you catch the nuance? The Isarelites were to go through seven days (seven days!) of ceremonially consecrating the priests and then God consecrated them and the Tent of Meeting. It is not the ceremonial acts that consecrated the priests, it was God who consecrated them. What, then, is the purpose for going through the motions? I can think of at least four purposes. I’m sure that in God’s economy there are many more purposes, but these come to mind:

• God, in His exceeding goodness, accomplishes many (most?) things thru men and women whom He has created in His image. This is a characteristic of God that blows me away every time I think of it. It is such an awesome privilege to partner with the Living God, the Eternal God, the Almighty God, to accomplish His will on this earth. He allows me to have a role in accomplishing His purposes, giving my small life greater purpose than I could ever have any other way. Wow! Consecrating priests, whether that means church leaders or ourselves as part of the holy priesthood of the Living God.
• It prepares us to be consecrated by God. The process makes us ready, attunes our hearts and spirits, to be consecrated. It reinforces the seriousness and the holiness of the action. In short, the process changes us.
• The process makes a statement to those around us, both Christian and non-Christian, that the ones being consecrated are set apart for the purposes of God.
• The process makes a statement to the spiritual realm – this person is being set aside for the purposes of God. This person has yielded their will to the will of the Most High, Almighty, King of the Universe. This person belongs to God and none other.

Wow! If a process of consecration can do these things, why would we not want to take it more seriously? I think we miss opportunities to accomplish these things when we curtail religious ceremony that leads to consecration.

Wrestling with the Issue and My Two Cents
For all of my Christian life I have belonged to evangelical and/or charismatic churches that have not been strong on religious ceremony. Most of those churches eschewed such things as being too “religious” (that being the nature of religious ceremonies, of course) – too much pomp and circumstances or rigmarole or whatever. Sorry, folks, I think we’ve thrown the baby out with the bath water.

Sure, what I’ve quoted above is Old Testament, but in the New Testament we see Jesus both honoring the old traditions and initiating two new ones: baptism and communion. Most Christian churches today honor these New Testament ceremonies, although often in a very relaxed format. I like a relaxed format, but I think we miss the boat at times by not incorporating more solemnity and more pomp and circumstance into our worship, and I think we miss the boat by not practicing more formal (i.e., ceremonial) times of consecration.

In the early church, baptism was preceded by a period of discipleship lasting one to three years. The discipleship process can be seen as the consecration process, ending with the baptism. Part of the preparation (consecration) process was to allow time for the baptizees to demonstrate true repentance and fruits of their new walk. In all the churches I have attended in my thirty-plus years as a Christian, the most that was required of someone wanting to be baptized was a profession of faith and a single class or discussion about the meaning of baptism. I wonder if we are missing the boat a bit. Without becoming legalistic, I wonder if baptisms ought to be preceded by a period of consecration by those involved so that when the baptism is performed God’s consecration completes it.

Of course, in the New Testament there’s the example of the Ethiopian eunich (and others) who were immediately baptized upon proclaiming faith in Christ. So was the early church moving away from New Testament Christianity, or were they establishing the new forms that would ensure the continuity of Christianity into the future?

I was blessed to be ordained this past year. The actual ordination ceremony was both a celebration and a dedication of my life in service to Christ. Obviously, much had built up to the ordination. I completed a Master’s Degree in Christian Ministries and had been in lay ministry for many years. The ordination was a recognition that God has called me to ministry and anointed me to preach the Good News, bind up the broken hearted and proclaim freedom to captives (Isaiah 61:1-3, Luke 4:18-19). Yet I wonder if we’re not missing the boat a little by not preceding the ordination by a period (7 days perhaps?) of preparation, perhaps fasting and prayer, extended times with God, and times of instructional mentoring – that is, a time of consecration so that when the ordination is performed, God’s consecration completes it.

Are We Missing the Boat?
My point is that we in the evangelical and charismatic church are probably a whole lot better at celebrating than we are at solemnly recognizing significant events in God. Yes, we have been set free from the requirements of the Law. And yes, we want to avoid practicing a faith that is based on ceremony more than on personal intimacy. However, I think that the ceremony can lead to personal intimacy when done with a right heart, and I think the ceremony itself has great value. Our part of consecration might be symbolic or ritualistic, but that doesn’t mean we should too easily or quickly abandon it. Remember that it was after the Israelites did their part in consecration that God did His part.

I guess that’s my two cents on the subject. Today. I’m still wrestling with this. Do you have an opinion? What forms of consecration (if any) do you think are appropriate for today? Would incorporating more ceremonial consecration into the Body of Christ today make the church stronger?

Old Testament
We’ll read from three Old Testament books this month: Exodus, Leviticus and Numbers. In Exodus, we’ll read one of my favorite passages:

¹⁵Then Moses said to him, “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. ¹⁶How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?”
Exodus 33:15-16

If the Lord doesn’t go with me, I don’t want to go, but when He does, His presence ought to change me and the way I live such that the rest of the world notices a difference.

Leviticus is a manual for Old Testament priestly responsibilities. The New Tesatments teaches that we are a “a chosen people, a royal priesthood.” According to the Zondervan NASB Study Bible, “the key thought of Leviticus is holiness – the holiness of God and man (man must revere God in holiness). In Leviticus, spiritual holiness is symbolized by physical perfection.”

Finally, the book of Numbers – Israel is being counted, a census is being taken. I find this book easiest to read in the New Living Translation. It’s not all counting, though. The Hebrew title of the book is “In the Wilderness” and chronicles 38 of the years the Israelites spent in the wilderness. It tells of Isarel’s journey from Mt. Sinai to the border of Canaan.

New Testament
After finishing the book of Matthew, we’ll read the first sixteen chapters of Acts. Acts continues the storyline of the gospels. While it’s called the “Acts of the Apostles,” many feel it would more accurately be called the “Acts of the Holy Spirit” because it records the coming of the Holy Spirit and His working in the lives of the first century church.

Acts begins with Peter as the most prominent of the apostles but transitions to a focus on the Apostle Paul as he carries the message of the gospel to the Gentile world.

Enjoy your March reading!

The recommended reading schedule is below.

To download a PDF of March’s recommended reading plan, click here.

I imagined women sitting together sewing “curtains of finely twisted linen and blue, purple and scarlet yarn, with cherubim worked into them” (Exodus 26:1). The room is filled with holy reverence because this curtain – THIS curtain – would surround the Most Holy God – the great and wonderful I AM. I imagined hammering pure gold to create the atonement cover and the cherubim that were to hover over it. What image was God giving them as they hammered out the faces on the cheribum?

Whether performing the delicate work of embroidery, the movements of controlled strength required to hammer the gold, or the hard physical work necessary for framing the Tabernacle, I imagined the expressions of the workers to be intent – intent on getting it just right, intent on the purpose for which their elements would be used. Often, when I am intently concentrating on something, others tell me that my expression looks stern, almost angry. I don’t imagine that the expressions of these workers would be so stern or angry. Rather, they would be so full of awe that it would shine through and even the most detailed or demanding task would not mar the holiness of their countenance.

Even before I had thought through all of this, God reminded me that I am His dwelling place.

Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him; for God’s temple is sacred, and you are that temple.
1 Corinthians 3:16-17

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20

I was challenged afresh by these thoughts in two ways:

To view my life as the dwelling place of God – to live always aware that the Spirit of God lives in me. God’s temple is sacred and I am that temple.

To view all the various circumstances in my life from the perspective of the Lord’s temple being built in me. In other words, some element of the Lord’s Tabernacle, His dwelling place is being created in me – I am being shaped, sewn, fired, hammered, etc., into the perfect element of the Tabernacle that God determined and designed me to be. As I imagined the act of creating the various elements of the Old Testament Tabernacle to be embodied with holiness – can my life be any different? God is creating me as one of the elements in His New Testament Tabernacle – the Church, and the whole process has an indwelling holiness. This is described in 1 Peter 2:

As you come to him, the living Stone — rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him — you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.
1 Peter 2:4-5

When I don’t see this in my circumstances, I am simply being blind to it. As such, I am challenged to treat the circumstances in my life (especially the difficult circumstances) as holy moments – moments when I can work with the Almighty Builder/Transformer, to create the Tabernacle where He will dwell. How awesome is that?

Lord, fill my spirit with awe and wonder as I meet each circumstance this week, this month and this year. Help me to always remember that we are building Your dwelling place.

The New Testament passage is informed by the Old Testament, and yet goes so much beyond it. Hebrews can be a difficult book to grasp sometimes. As I read our Resting at the River’s Edge passage for yesterday, Moses’ introduction and sealing of the Old Testament Covenant brought to mind the passage in Hebrews in which the writer explains the introduction and sealing of our New Testament Covenant. I will let the passages provide their own lesson. I have added some clarifications in [brackets].

Exodus 24:
^3bHe [Moses] got up early the next morning and built an altar at the foot of the mountain and set up twelve stone pillars representing the twelve tribes of Israel. ⁵Then he sent young Israelite men, and they offered burnt offerings and sacrificed young bulls as fellowship offerings to the LORD. ⁶Moses took half of the blood and put it in bowls, and the other half he sprinkled on the altar. ⁷Then he took the Book of the Covenant and read it to the people. They responded, “We will do everything the LORD has said; we will obey.”

⁸Moses then took the blood, sprinkled it on the people and said, “This is the blood of the covenant that the LORD has made with you in accordance with all these words.”

Hebrews 9:
¹⁹When Moses had proclaimed every commandment of the law to all the people, he took the blood of calves, together with water, scarlet wool and branches of hyssop, and sprinkled the scroll and all the people. ²⁰He said, “This is the blood of the covenant, which God has commanded you to keep.” ²¹In the same way, he sprinkled with the blood both the tabernacle and everything used in its ceremonies. ²²In fact, the law requires that nearly everything be cleansed with blood, and without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.

²³It was necessary, then, for the copies of the heavenly things [that is, the man-made tabernacle] to be purified with these sacrifices, but the heavenly things themselves with better sacrifices than these. ²⁴For Christ did not enter a man-made sanctuary that was only a copy of the true one; he entered heaven itself, now to appear for us in God’s presence. ²⁵Nor did he enter heaven to offer himself again and again, the way the high priest enters the Most Holy Place every year with blood that is not his own. ²⁶Then [if that were the case] Christ would have had to suffer many times since the creation of the world. But now he has appeared once for all at the end of the ages to do away with sin by the sacrifice of himself. ²⁷Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment, ²⁸so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him.

Hebrews 10:
¹The law is only a shadow of the good things that are coming—not the realities themselves. For this reason it can never, by the same sacrifices repeated endlessly year after year [as was required in the Old Testament Covenant], make perfect those who draw near to worship. ²If it could, would they not have stopped being offered? For the worshipers would have been cleansed once for all, and would no longer have felt guilty for their sins. ³But those sacrifices are an annual reminder of sins, ⁴because it is impossible for the blood of bulls and goats to take away sins.

⁵Therefore, when Christ came into the world, he said:

“Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,
but a body you prepared for me;
⁶ with burnt offerings and sin offerings
you were not pleased.

⁷ Then I said, ‘Here I am—it is written about me in the scroll—
I have come to do your will, O God.’

⁸First he said, “Sacrifices and offerings, burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not desire, nor were you pleased with them” (although the law required them to be made). ⁹Then he said, “Here I am, I have come to do your will.” He sets aside the first to establish the second. ¹⁰And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.

¹¹Day after day every priest stands and performs his religious duties; again and again he offers the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. ¹²But when this priest [Jesus] had offered for all time one sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God. ¹³Since that time he waits for his enemies to be made his footstool, ¹⁴because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.

¹⁵The Holy Spirit also testifies to us about this. First he says:

¹⁶ “This is the covenant I will make with them
after that time, says the Lord.
I will put my laws in their hearts,
and I will write them on their minds.”

¹⁷Then he adds:

“Their sins and lawless acts
I will remember no more.”

¹⁸And where these have been forgiven, there is no longer any sacrifice for sin.

¹⁹Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, ²⁰by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, ²¹and since we have a great priest over the house of God, ²²let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled [with the blood of Jesus] to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. ²³Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. ²⁴And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. ²⁵Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Hallelujah!

In my surfing today, I read and enjoyed this blog. The writing style and audience is quite different from mine, but I fully enjoyed his discussion around his title question “When I say ‘God,’ You Think…” To whet your appetite, here’s some of my favorite quotes from the blog:

“God just doesn’t simply exist, He is existence itself.”

“Without God, I have no purpose whatsoever.”

“Having a perfect relationship with God who already is in a Perfect relationship within His own God-head of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit is something to behold. Something that should make us fall on our faces in worship.”

Well, you’ll have to visit the blog yourself to fill in the gaps. Otherwise I’d be in danger of plagiarism. Enjoy your reading. I did!

³Then Moses went up to God, and the LORD called to him from the mountain and said, “This is what you are to say to the house of Jacob and what you are to tell the people of Israel: ⁴‘You yourselves have seen what I did to Egypt, and how I carried you on eagles’ wings and brought you to myself. ⁵Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession. Although the whole earth is mine, ⁶you will be for me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation.’ These are the words you are to speak to the Israelites.”
Exodus 19: 3-6

⁹But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. ¹⁰Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.
1 Peter 2:9-10

’ Nuff said.

¹⁵Moses built an altar and called it The LORD is my Banner. ¹⁶He said, “For hands were lifted up to the throne of the LORD. The LORD will be at war against the Amalekites from generation to generation.”
Exodus 17:15-16

Many years ago I read a statement that shocked me. Henry Blackaby and Claude King, in their book Experiencing God wrote:

Throughout the Bible God took the initiative to reveal Himself to people by experience. Frequently when God revealed Himself to a person, that person gave God a new name or described Him in a new way…Bible names, titles and descriptions of God indentify how the men and women of the Bible personally came to know God. The Scripture is a record of God’s revelation of Himself to man. Each of the many names for God is a part of that revelation.
Experiencing God, by Henry T. Blackaby and Clalude V. King, Boardman & Holman Publishers, Nashville, TN; 1994; page 5

Prior to that I had always thought of the Hebrews as learning the names like we learned them, but that is totally incorrect. They identified or created the name by experiencing His nature or character. I went on to write in the margin of the book:

Perhaps having God’s Word makes us overly dependent on learning about God and less dependent on knowing God.

I’m not advocating that we quit reading Scripture and certainly not advocating that we base our doctrine on our experience instead of God’s Word, but I am recognizing the importance of experiencing God and allowing that experience to make His Word come alive.

Exodus 17 provides an example of Moses experiencing God and creating a meaningful name to describe Him. Moses spent the day standing on a hill, holding his staff high over his head while Joshua led the Israelites in battle against the Amalekites.

As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning.
Exodus 17:11

When Moses’ arms grew tired, Aaron and Hur held them up. At the end of the day, Joshua had won the victory over those who had attacked the Israelites.

Jehovah-Nissi – The Lord, My Banner
It was at that point, when Moses was undoubtedly exhausted from standing and holding his staff high over the battle that was occurring in the valley below that Moses said “The Lord is my Banner.” It must have felt to Moses like he was holding the victory banner – that is, something that symbolized victory – over the battle as it ensued below him. But when the battle was won, I can easily imagine an exhausted Moses realizing that it was God who had won the victory – it was God who had held the victory banner over the Israelites so that they might win against their aggressors, the Amalekites. He knelt down and built an altar and said “Jehovah-Nissi” – The Lord, My Banner.

Moses experienced God’s protection for himself and all the Israelites and created the name Jehovah-Nissi. Have you experienced God’s protection? Perhaps Jehovah-Nissi or The Lord-My Banner doesn’t have personal significance to you. I do hope you have a greater understanding of the experience Moses would have had that caused him to create that name for God. Let me encourage you, however, to consider developing your own names for God. No, I am not suggesting you add to Scripture, but I am suggesting you recognize experiences with God by creating names that honor and glorify Him and His characteristics.

The Lord, My Cast
Many years ago, my husband Phil tore the ligaments in his ankle. Can you say “ouch?” He was in a cast for six weeks. When the cast was removed, he felt a bit nervous as he took his first wobbly steps – unprotected and vulnerable. It was at that time that he created a name for God that has meaning for him – The Lord, My Cast. He recognized that God puts a protection around us that enables us to walk without fear of breaking and without the pain that would otherwise be experienced. When God’s protection is removed, we are vulnerable to any and all outside forces that would seek to harm us.

Whether you know Him as Jehovah-Nissi, The Lord-My Cast, or some name that you have created that declares God’s protection over you, I pray that you will (1) experience God today and (2) know that He is your Protector – your Banner and your Cast.

1 Corinthians isn’t the only place I go for advice about love, though. I also look to all of Paul’s prayers for the saints, and I pray them regularly for my husband. I do not pray for changes in his behavior. I do not pray for changes in his attitudes. I pray that he might know Christ. Here are two sample prayers from the book of Ephesians:

¹⁷I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. ¹⁸I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, ¹⁹and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, ²⁰which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, ²¹far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come.
Ephesians 1:17-21

¹⁶I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Ephesians 3:16-19

When I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t sleep, I pray these types of prayers for my husband. I place my hand on his back and I ask the Lord to give Phil the Spirit of wisdom and revelation so that he may know Christ better. I pray that the eyes of his heart would be opened so that he would see the hope to which he has been called. I pray that he might know the glorious inheritance he has and the incomparably great power that is his in Christ.

Yes, I’ve invested some effort to try to memorize the passages, or at least phrases from them. I made the effort and I pray these types of prayers because I love my husband and more than anything else want God’s best for him. I’m confident that as He comes to know Christ better his life will be enriched in ways that I can’t begin to imagine. Why limit my prayers for him with things I can imagine when God has so much more for him? Why would I want to pray that he would change some behavior that annoys me when God is probably using that behavior to make me more like Christ?

Of course, I’ll receive benefit from God’s answers to my prayers – my life will be enriched as his life is enriched. My life will hold greater adventure as he grabs hold of all God has for him. My life will be more stable when he further embraces Godly wisdom. My motivation to pray for him, however, is my love for him, not what I’ll get out of the deal. Because I made a vow to love, honor and cherish him almost thirty-two years ago. Praying that he would know Christ more intimately is just one of the ways I keep making that same decision every day.

True Love is More about Love than Romance
Well, what started as a single blog about Valentine’s day became so long I had to break it into three parts – and I haven’t said a thing about romance. That’s because true love is more about choosing to love our spouse than sharing romantic dinners while watching the sunset on a beautiful beach (or majestic mountains, if you prefer). The romance is wonderful, but the day to day reality is where we all live.

As I wrote in part 1 of this series, most of it was written on Valentine’s Day while watching schmaltzy romance movies on TV. (My husband was working until midnight.) What strikes me is that the world’s concept of Valentine’s Day is all about hearts and romance and I’ve gone through the whole day without either! But I have something more enduring than hearts and romance. I have a mutual love commitment that my husband and I renew every day. And I have a promise from the Word of God that love never fails. Hearts and romance fail, but love never fails.

(Now I’m off to plan a little hearts and romance! Love will provide the steel spine and unbreakable will of my marriage, but I’m happy to have hearts and romance can add some sparkle to that structure.)

Our society has a very warped idea about what love is. In fact, Valentine’s Day itself helps to warp our ideas about love. While I have nothing against romance – In fact, I like it! – I recognize that it has little to do with real love.

1 Corinthians 13 teaches and reminds us what love is:

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

What a challenge to live out that definition! Hearts and romance is much easier. Unfortunately, hearts and romance by itself doesn’t lead to marriages with steel spines and unbreakable wills. Love does.

This passage is often quoted at weddings. I think it’s more appropriate to quote it at each anniversary celebration. Let’s look at the passage in light of the question “Am I making the same decision today that I made when I married?”

Love is patient. Have I been patient with my spouse today? Have I shown at least as much patience with him or her as I have with everyone else I’ve met today?

Love is kind. Have I been kind to my spouse today? Have I shown kindness in the tone of my voice and the words I choose? Have I chosen kindness instead of crankiness or frustration or annoyance? Have I chosen kindness instead of nagging or pushing or taking control?

Love does not envy. Have I been content with the life God has given me? Have I been content with the way my spouse contributes to that life?

Love does not boast and is not proud. Does the phrase (or attitude) “I told you so” creep into my conversations with my spouse? Do I have a need to “win” – whether it’s an argument or a conversation about what’s for dinner, do I celebrate a victory (internally or outwardly) when I get my way?

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Do I eschew sin and rejoice in God’s truth with my spouse? In other words, do I pursue the best things with my spouse – the things that God has for us – or do I drag him or her away from God and toward sin? Do I rejoice with my spouse when truth wins out?

Love always protects. Do I protect my spouse, or do I speak ill of him or her when they are not around? Do I absolutely refuse to engage in gossip about my spouse? Do I absolutely refuse to enter conversations that degrade not only my spouse, but men or women in general? When men tell demeaning jokes about women, they are disrespecting their wives. Likewise, when women tell demeaning jokes about men, they are disrespecting their husbands.

Love always trusts. Do I resist the temptation to be jealous? Do I choose to trust my spouse and his or her decisions or do I insist on being in control of everything?

Love always hopes. Do I look at my spouse with hope in my eyes? Do I anticipate the future with my spouse and expect good things in that future?

Love always perseveres. Do I do all of the above again and again and again? Do I make the same decision every day?

There are some hard questions in there, and I am not saying that there aren’t times when serious conversations are needed. There are times when I say, “Sweetheart, something’s not working for me. It feels like…I need…..” But those are discussions, not arguments. And they are discussions I have with my spouse, not with my girlfriends. Sometimes they are hard discussions and sometimes they end up with me realizing that I’m being unreasonable. Sometimes they end in a bit of a stalemate, and sometimes my sweetie comes to understand my position and tries to make changes in his behavior.

I’m also not saying that there is never a time to go to a trusted friend or advisor and ask for advice in a difficult situation. The key words are “a trusted friend or advisor.” Just one, not lots and lots until you find someone who agrees with you or until you have a consensus that 51% of the people you shared with agree with you. And make that one someone you trust to offer biblical advice and maintain confidentiality. The counselor who offers worldly advice is likely more influenced by hearts and romance than love that holds on with everything in it to protect and defend its territory. That kind of love builds lasting marriages.

I go to other places in Scripture for marriage advice – places where Paul prays for all believers to know Christ better. Tomorrow we’ll look at some of those prayers.